How to break free from trying to please

We love to hear from our clients and followers on our social media channel and via comments to our blog and podcast. Recently one of our followers asked us on Facebook the following question that we thought was incredibly timely and something many can relate to:

“How do I break free from trying to please everyone? There’s a branch of my business that I’ve been doing since 2012. I am a valuable asset to this company’s team and they need me, but I just dread doing the work now and I always put it off.” 

So really, what it boils down to is how can you say NO to taking on every new project that comes your way when it doesn’t quite fit with what the business does?

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Many of us (myself included at times) are pleasers and like to make sure we are always saying yes so that we don’t hurt someone’s feelings or lose out on a client. Yet, saying yes isn’t always going to be the best option. We have to first always remember that it’s about business. What it’s not–is personal. So, first things first, how can you really justify saying no to something? For that answer you need to look at your business plan or strategic plan and goals. Is the job you are currently doing or being asked to do fit within any of the parameters? If it does then you can easily continue with it around the parameters that work for YOU. It’s your business. If it fits and you don’t want to continue on it’s ok to say that things have changed and you are unable to devote the necessary time due to an influx of new clients. I mean, that’s not such a bad thing!

If you happen to work for or are part of a non-profit then look to your strategic plan to see if the project aligns. Many boards love to add new projects to the staffs’ plates yet they may not align with any of the goals set forth by the strategic plan. If that’s the case and you are wondering why, it’s time to talk to your manager.

As a sole business owner repeat after me:

It’s OK to say NO
It’s OK to say NO
It’s OK to say NO

If you want and need to say no (and break free from pleasing) look at ways that you can soften the impact. Perhaps have a list of referrals to other small business owners that are in a similar line of work. Maybe you set up a commission structure to help one another. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be authentic and remember it’s professional not personal–it’s ok to say no.  Ultimately, if you aren’t happy doing what you’re doing then the product may not be as great as you want it either.

I have to share that one of the hardest decisions I personally have made was recently retiring from the direct sales world after 10 years. It started as a way to earn a little extra money while working full time, and actually paid for my honeymoon, multiple vacations, a deck and more. However, towards the end I started looking at what I call my brain dump (a place I listed out all my to-dos for personal, our company, clients and then my direct sales area) and what I saw was pretty clear. I was checking off all the items that made me happy and dreading other areas. I always followed through on the parts that I loved yet slacked in what I wasn’t excited about. So  I made a really difficult decision and said to myself: it’s ok to say no. It  was terribly hard to leave a team behind that I adored and counted on me and fellow leaders that became like family yet I wasn’t happy and where my to do list wasn’t getting shorter was there.

The hardest thing to do sometimes is letting something go. It’s just like ripping off a band aid right? Hurts a little at first as you start to peel back the edge followed by a quick painful pull and then it’s done. And we all know how that part feels–it’s relief. Know what else? Once that band aid comes off, so to speak,  it frees up time and space for the focus to be placed elsewhere, a sort of healing begins to take place, if you will.